Bella Vista Church of Christ
LIFELINES
May 1, 2002 Randall Caselman
God Forgive Our Parental Failures
I recently heard a preacher say, "Proverbs are not always true. There are exceptions." The proverb under discussion was, "Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6 NASV) As I listened I wondered if he was attempting to soothe his own conscience or that of other hurting parents. Preach how we may, we cannot change the truth of God's Word. No never.
If there is an exception to this verse, is there an exception to "He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved." (Mark 16:16), or "Without faith it is impossible to please Him." (Hebrews 11:6), or "Arise, and be baptized, and wash away thy sins." (Acts 22:16)? Do we, as God's people, have a right to pick and choose scripture that is "true" and scripture that has exception? The Bible states that we are sanctified by truth -- "Thy word is truth" (John 17:17). No, God's word does not contain truths, some truths, all truths, etc. God's Word is truth.
Isn't it time we allow God to be true, and admit our failures, our mistakes, our sins in relationship to our children and know the healing which comes from above? "Therefore, confess your sins (KJV says faults) to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed." (James 5:16 NASV). We may have done the best we could. We may have raised three or four children in the same house who turned out differently. We may have been and still are faithful Christians, but scripture tells us that if our children go astray, we made some mistakes and we must bear some of the responsibility. No, we are not responsible for their eternal destiny, they are. But there was a time when we could have made a difference.
No, these mistakes are not the "unpardonable" sin. But we must be willing to admit our mistakes, our faults, our sins, that we are aware of before we can be forgiven. Now don't go looking for the "But, what ifs." "But, what about the child brought up incorrectly who turns out right?" Is that what Proverbs 22:6 is about? Does it mention such? No. "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
So What Must We Do?
(1) Repent.
Change. Act Differently. When was the last time we drove across town, 50, 500 or a thousand miles to see our children? Some only go see their children when the children send them money, plane or bus fare. Same old problem that caused our children to stray in the first place. Money before people. Living for self. Pursuit of the dollar has kept many of us from being the parents we should have been. Repent. Act differently. Our children are still waiting.
(2) Confess Our Faults.
This is Bible. Some of us never go to our children and say, "I am sorry I failed you, please forgive me." We may have said it a thousand times to ourselves, to God, even to our spouse, but have we ever once said it to our straying children? Why is it we will insist on the practice of Matthew 5:23-24 regarding the righting of wrongs with all others except our own children? "Leave your gift at the altar." Our Children are waiting.
(3) Do Not Abandon Them.
Do not cut them off. Do not alienate them. God is a father. At times His punishment is severe. Yet we still breathe His air, drink His water, walk in His sunshine, and enjoy His world. The Golden Rule applies to our children also. Sometimes we have more patience and understanding with sinners across the street than with our own straying children. Don't attempt to turn this around. I am speaking of mistakes we have made which resulted in their "going astray." Don't lose sight of our subject. The focus is on us as parents, not the sins of our children. Our children are waiting.
(4) Pray.
Prayer without repentance is futile. God will not reach through our sins to work His wonders. We must remove them. "Behold, the Lord's hand is not short that it cannot save; neither is His ear dull that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hid His face from you, so that he does not hear." (Isaiah 59:1-2) Confess our sins (1) to our children, (2) to God. We must let go of our pride and do it God's way. Don't live in guilt any longer. God is waiting! Our children are waiting.
(5) We Must Not Repeat Past Mistakes.
Many of us have grandchildren; what a blessing!! God has awarded us with another chance. No grandchildren close by? Have the children of the church into our homes. I know people who invite families and specify, "no children." Same old problem. Others don't want children in worship services. Same old problem. We did not have patience with our own and we do not have any now. No, no, no! We never get too old to have the heart, the attitude, the disposition of Jesus, "suffer (…bring…allow…) little children to come unto me for such is the Kingdom of Heaven." Start today. Take an interest in our children, grandchildren, in the next generation. The family, the church and our nation depend upon it. God is a God of second chances and amazing grace!
The responsibility of child rearing must never be taken lightly. We must never attempt to excuse our failures. Admit them. Confess them. Repent of them. Pray for forgiveness. Yes, there were, and are, times I failed and still fail my children as their father. But I have confessed this to them, begged their and God's forgiveness. And, as a result, I have no guilt. What a way to live!! Turn this fault to God, as we must do with all our sins, and then let us get on with living for Jesus. Amen? Amen!
Randall Caselman
