Bella Vista Church of Christ
LIFELINES
January 24, 2001 Randall Caselman
Healing The Hurt
She came into my office wringing her hands and crying. Her best friend had betrayed her, violated a confidence and her most feared secret past was public knowledge. We've all been there, right? At one time or another all of us have been wounded by another or perceived ourselves as having been wounded. We all carry the scars of hurt. Someone we thought was a genuine friend, our greatest supporter and encourager, betrays us. We are stunned, hurt and helpless. Those we know and some we hope to know have been warned to not have anything to do with us. Our hurt turns to anger, anger to resentment and resentment to hate, and we find ourselves perpetrating revenge.
Of course the answer to all this is forgiveness, but knowing and doing are worlds apart. Shakespeare once said, If it were as easy to do the right thing as it is to know the right thing to do castles and chapels would be cathedrals.
You see there was only one person on earth who absorbed all the evil and hurt of the world and did not hate or retaliate. Peter said of Jesus... Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth. When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. 1 Peter 2.21-23. Then Peter instructs us on how to handle hurt...
Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. 1 Peter 2.1-3
Again, knowing to do right and doing it are two different things. Allow me to suggest some ways we can forgive, heal the hurt and get on with the life Jesus calls us to live.
Determine to forgive.
Forgiveness is within our own will. We can choose to forgive and move on, or we can determine to carry a grudge the rest of our life. The decision is ours and no one else's. In the Old Testament narrative of Cain and Able, Cain chose to kill his brother. Indeed that is an option. Revenge and retaliation are possible, or we can, like Jesus, understand that the object of our anger is also our brother, and “love our enemies, do good to those who hate us, bless those who curse you and pray for those who abuse you.” Luke 6.27-28. The decision is ours!! Decide to forgive.
Seek God's help.
When we are hurt, the feeling of abuse and resentment come flooding our mind in every spare moment. We find ourselves rehearsing the hurt and searching for ways to retaliate. How can we get rid of Satan's constant reminder? I know of no way except by seeking God's assistance. Ask Him to heal our heart hurt and remove the thoughts of revenge from our mind. Say it out loud, “Satan leave me alone.” Refuse to rehearse the hurt anymore. No... It will not happen overnight, but God has power over Satan. Scripture tells us that if we will resist him, he will flee from us. Claim this promised power!!
Confess our feelings.
Confess your faults one to another and pray for one another... Carry one another's burdens... James 5. 16 & Galatians 6.2. There is something therapeutic about sharing our hurts with others. We are family. God created us for togetherness. He works His healing wonders best through His people. I am not saying we can't be healed by ourselves. I am saying the healing is effected best and comes quicker if we will share our problems with one another. This is God's way, let's use it.
Act as if the hurt is over.
Again, we must know that our behavior is a personal choice. If we will tell the one who wounded us that they are forgiven, and begin treating them as if nothing happened, the first thing you know our emotions, our feelings, will follow our behavior. Treat the person who wounded us with love and good will. “Love is kind, love does not envy... Love is not proud. Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil...” 1 Corinthians 13.4-7. God... Help us practice healing our hurt your way... Amen? Amen!
Randall Caselman
